Bull$hit Advice from “Would-Be Writers”
A recent conversation I had with an old coworker of mine left me feeling uneasy. Tim has always wanted to start a creative writing project and last week he finally decided to commit to writing something. Unfortunately Tim didn’t know where to begin, so he did some online research. He asked me, “Have you ever heard of the snowflake method?”
… My response was simply, “Snowflake method? WTF is that?”
If you perform a google search for the ‘snowflake method’ you’re directed to a ‘surface credible’ website running a legitimate business. They claim to have invented a scientific method that will solve all your motivational and creative writing problems.
I say, codswallop!
As a semi-novice writer, I know the dangers associated with cash-grab scams as I’ve nearly been suckered into them myself. If you type into google ‘how to write a novel’ the further down you search, the more sure-fire methods, systems, paradigms, programmes, classes, books and lessons you’ll find. It’s easy to want to buy them as well, because they often feel like the CURE to your writer’s block. Anyone seeking a magic spell to fix their craft will be drawn to these sleazy salespeople. Surely they cannot ALL be the best writing methods?
No.
The only writing advice you need, is to pick up a goddamned pen!
Take it from someone who has read well over 12 dozen books on the topic. Unless you’re grammatically inept, any fool can learn to write if he tries. I’d also like to point out as I have in the past, that buying books about writing does not = writing. Some things that are useful are a dictionary, thesaurus, grammar guide, or a tutor who has several years experience with the craft. Having professionals edit your work is an invaluable experience. I’d also listen to Stephen King’s recommendation and pick up a copy of Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style. I picked up this book again after watching it collect dust on my shelf and it’s startling how many grammar rules I’ve forgotten or neglected.
I’m not here to tell you that these so-called ‘magic methods’ won’t help you. They may bring some writers out of the slum they’re in. If it works for you and you’re a better writer because of it, who am I to judge? I will say that you need to be wary of them. Check out their credentials. Do your research before you plug in a credit card number. Most of these website authors have books on the market that I’ve never even heard of. Even more unsettling is how poorly their novels sold on the market. Why then, should I pay $59.99 for your writer’s seminar?
In an effort to not sound hypocritical, the reason I started this website was for people to learn from my mistakes. I haven’t had my “big success story” but that won’t stop me from writing about the craft. I’d be a real asshole though if I charged you all for what little experience I do have. Unless I became a bestselling author, (LOL) I’ll never be so arrogant as to claim I’ve invented the ‘perfect method’ for budding authors, then have the cojones to make them pay for it.
Please… if anything, pick up a book on the writers craft by CREDIBLE and SEASONED authors. Both Tori and I have professed our love of Stephen King’s On Writing. Other useful books are biographies of famous authors, or books that interview/outline their success stories.
The greatest thing Tim or anyone else could do, is to read a lot and write a lot. It starts by picking up a pen and just doing the work. The only method you’ll find that works for you, is one you’ve invented for yourself through experience.
A few more thoughts “On Writing”
Tori speaking.
A few months back Dan shared his thoughts of Stephen King’s On Writing. He has since then shared the book with me, and it’s impacted me in such a way that I can’t help but say a few things myself.
So, On Writing.
This is actually my first time reading a Stephen King novel. I’ve read The Body and dabbled into The Dark Tower (minutely), but I would consider this my first exposure to the author. I was never particular of King purely out of how mainstream he is (I’ve never been one for fads … in my childhood leastways), but I always intended to delve into his stuff someday. I suppose it makes sense that it would have to be one of my friends to get one of King’s books in my hand, but I can certainly say I’ll need no more convincing again (I’m writing this after having read Carrie).
First off, for those who’ve never been exposed to Stephen King’s work, I’d say this is an ideal place to start. On Writing is book-ended by an autobiography that details King’s life: the highs, lows and wisdom (particularly in terms of writing). When reading this I got an overwhelming sense of fraternity; I got to know the writer before the writing. What I found in these pages was a man I share much in common with, from the throes of student employment to the love of writing.
The actual “on writing” portion of the book is a pleasure to read. There were plenty of enlightening tips, though I found that most of what King talks about is sort of common sense (from what I know, that is). But what Stephen does so well is interact with the reader in a way that makes them feel like they’re sitting down for an interview in his study, so much that you might feel a lump in your throat when you arrive at the more intimate reflections of writing in the On Living portion of the book. I’ve never read any sort of “how to” books, but I gander that few of them are as casual as this – as real. King is very real with the reader.
On Writing raises the tried and true idea that writing isn’t just about knowing how to do it, nor of devoting time to it, but to live, plain and simple. In the past few months I found myself heavily inspired while reading this book; trying new things, writing sorts of stories that I never had before, and it was gushing with heart and soul. That’s what this book does to the aspiring artist: it makes them feel capable – makes them turn the grime of everyday life into something extraordinary.
If there’s one thing anybody can walk away from On Writing with, it’s a better understanding of the legendary author that is Stephen King … and the reassuring thought of how much he is just like every one of us.
-Tori Domay
On Writing
On Writing by Stephen King
What I loved so much about this book was Stephen King’s candid approach to the writer’s craft. King’s On Writing isn’t your usual ‘how to’ manual about writing. The first half of the book acts as a memoir and biography about King’s life.
In the book he addresses his addictions to drugs, alcohol, and the effects they had on his family life. What I especially loved about these chapters, was how King debunks the notion that writer’s are more talented when they are under the influence of abusive substances. In fact, King explains how they were ruining his life.
The second half of the book brings us into the day in the life of King’s writing practice, and he breaks down the stereotypes of what most writers talk about when they discuss their own craft. Writing isn’t about using fancy formulas, paradigms, or charts that make a good plot. It’s simply about writing something until it’s finished, and then rewriting it. You have to set goals for each day, and reach them. This is what King preaches, and it’s an awesome ‘in your face’ look at what it really takes to be a writer.
If you want a quick read, that gets you motivated, this is the book for you.
I’ll end with one of my favourite quotes from this book, that I think resonates with every last one of us.
“If you don’t have the time to read, you don’t have the time or the tools to write.” - Stephen King
To find out more about Stephen King and his work, visit his website:
The Shining – Breakdown of a Scene
Show – Don’t Tell. This should be every writer’s rule. To showcase this, I’ve made a visual breakdown of the scene from “The Shining” where Danny Torrence meets those scary dead twins.
No talking head syndrome.
No over the top action.
Simple, visual cues.
Every writer should be telling a story with pictures. Not telling a story with special effects, dialogue, crappy voice-over narration, etc.
Exercise: Try storyboarding a short film or short story where there is no dialogue, and simple action. You’d be surprised how this can improve your writing.
Don’t let your STORY PLOT become your BURIAL PLOT.
One of the biggest cardinal sins any writer can commit, is becoming too emotionally dependant on artistic perfection.
I’ll admit, there is a certain ‘romance’ about being an eccentric artist; to be obsessed over your craft, and consumed by a desire to make the next ‘great work of art’. Everyone who is creative has had this thought at one point or another.
However, there is a signifigant flaw in this ideology. At what cost is an artist willing to be consumed by his or her depression? In his book On Writing, Stephen King explains how his addiction to drugs and alchohol consumed his life. His wife gave him an ultimatum. King made the wise choice, and decided to clean himself up. Not for his craft, but for his family, and his emotional health. No artist should punish themselves, or partake in mind-altering drug induced stupers to make ‘great art’.
A healthy writer is a good writer.
When I read the final letter author Virigina Woolf wrote to her husband, (before filling her coat pockets with stones, and drowing herself in the river) I find absolutely no ‘romance’ about being depressed.
“Dearest, I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier ’til this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer.
I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even write this properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that – everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been. V”
There is nothing beautiful about being unhealthy.
If you have let your craft consume your health, and depribe you of the things in life that make you happy, seek immediate remedy.
There have been many times where I thought my story would get the best of me. I suppose part of the writer’s craft is to worry about that sort of thing, but for me, there is a marginal difference between worrying about plot, and having a panic attack about it.
Don’t become lost in a sea of story structure. It’s very easy to become tangled in a web of ideas. One thing I’ve found, is that many story structure books neglect to tell you about the downside of ‘over-planning’. They don’t discuss the emotional impact of throwing your heart and soul onto the blank page.
Now, I’m sorry to tell you this writers, but I’m about to turn your lessons and understanding on the topic completely upside down.
Don’t worry about structure until you’ve written it.
I’ve had to learn this the hard way. I spent a good 6 years worrying about whether or not people would like my story. Whether or not I’ll ever ‘make it’ in this business. During this time, if I had spent my energy concentrating on fixing my grammar, or actually completing something, I would have saved myself years of emotional baggage.
"Lost in Structured Writing" - by D. Pike
I leave you now with two quotes that remind me not to be so hard on myself, and to concentrate on writing, rather than worrying.
“In order to write about life, first you must live it!” – Earnest Hemmingway
and finally,
“Nothing is so fatiguiging as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.” – William James
There is nothing worse than having never finished a project. Just pick up whatever story you’ve started and finish it. Don’t worry if it’s going to be good or bad. Just DO IT. GET IT DONE!
You’ll notice a very large weight lift from your soul.
Don’t be Virigina Woolf. She let the pressure of success and completing the next great work of art weigh her down like the stones in her coat pockets. She should have saught medical help, rather than take matters into her own hands.
If you suffer from mental illness in this way, pick up a phone, and call someone for help. There is no shame in doing this. All great writers have suffered this, but the greatest writers (in my opinion) are those who seek help when they need it most.
Take Two Quotes and Call Me in the Morning
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I’ve added a new “quotes” page at the top of the blog. I’ll be updating it every so often. You can also access it under the “quote of the month” on the right side bar. All writer’s need a little help sometimes. Here are some quotes that I’ve collected over the years. Whenever I read them, I affirm my identity. I rekindle the fire, and find a way to push forward. I hope these can do the same for you.
“The mightiest works have been accomplished by men who have kept their ability to dream great dreams.” – Walter Bowie “It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.” – J.K. Rowling “Know how you’re going to end your story before you start writing; without a sense of direction, you can get lost in the middle.” Joan Nixon “Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” - Albert Einstein “I would like to be remembered as someone who did the best she could with the talent she had.” – JK Rowling. “Character is fate. We learn about a character from the decisions he makes or fails to make.” - Nicholas Meyer, Screenwriter “Screenwriting books, like screenwriting classes, run the risk of becoming a substitute for writing” – Michael Hauge “It takes courage to be a writer. Courage to face yourself, work through your demons & make your art.” - Terry Rossio “I can’t believe that God put us on this earth to be ordinary.” - Lou Holtz “Serious writers write, inspired or not. Over time they discover that routine is a better friend to them than inspiration.” - Ralph Keyes “Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.” - Stephen King “The biggest thing separating people from their artistic ambitions is not a lack of talent. It’s the lack of a deadline.” – Chris Baty 
“In order to write about life, first you must live it!” – Ernest Hemingway “It’s not the college degree that makes a writer. The great thing is to have a story to tell.” - Polly Adler “You accomplish victory step by step, not by leaps and bounds.” - Lyn St. James “You have to be brave to take out that white sheet of paper and put on it words that could be evidence of your stupidity.” - Sol Saks “Harry Potter is all about confronting fears… Twilight is how important it is to have a boyfriend. “ – Stephen King “Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” - Robert Collier “Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.” – J.K. Rowling “Find a good story and don’t be surprised if it takes you five years to get it off the ground.” –Brad Anderson “You can get help from teachers, but you are going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room.” – Theodore Geisel, “DR. SEUSS” “A writer never has a vacation. For a writer, life consists of either writing or thinking about writing.” — Eugène Ionesco “Books aren’t written – they’re rewritten…It is one of the hardest things to accept.” - Michael Crichton 
“God doesn’t require us to succeed; he only requires that you try.” - Mother Teresa “Trouble in writing reflects troubled thinking, usually an incomplete grasp of the facts or their meaning.” – Barbara Tuchman “The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.” - H. Norman Schwarzkopf “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill “Writing and rewriting are a constant search for what it is one is saying.” – John Updike “Tough times never last, but tough people do.” - Dr. Robert Schuller “99% of success in life stems from just showing up.” – Woody Allan “Even without a religious perspective, love and compassion are clearly of fundamental importance to us all.” - Dali Lama “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” - Maya Angelou “Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together.” - Vincent Van Gogh “Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.” – William James “You have brains in your head. Your feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.” – Theodore Geisel, “DR. SEUSS” “Never, never, never give up.” – Winston Churchill “Nothing will come of nothing. Dare for mighty things.” – William Shakespeare “So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads.” - Theodore Geisel, “DR. SEUSS” “Finish what you’re writing. Whatever you have to do to finish it, finish it.” - Neil Gaiman “If you don’t have the time to read, you don’t have the time or the tools to write.” – Stephen King 
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Things I’ve learned about writing by working in a bookstore:
Having worked in a bookstore for well over a year, a few interesting facts about writing tend to spring up.
Large companies and many of their employees rarely care about your book.
Anyone who’s worked at a corporately run bookstore will know, that the people who run show rarely really give a crap about who the author is, or what the story is about. What they do care about, is whether or not the book sells.
There are exceptions to this rule however. Some small businesses, and many employees of these bookstores are very passionate about who their favourite author is. Personally, I get excited when I meet a customer who reads the same books as I do. Who wouldn’t? There is of course the odd CEO that makes sure all of Canada or the U.S. know which books they read and like. Yet I have a feeling this is more out habitual vanity than passion for literature. Who knows, I could be wrong.
What can we learn from this? Well, for one, if you have a well written story, word of mouth will sell it all. There’s a reason why bestsellers exist. People pass on to others that they really enjoyed Stockett’s The Help, or that their favourite book of all time is The Handmaiden’s Tale by Margret Atwood. Concentrate on writing a good story. Don’t worry about anything else.
Everyone judges a book by it’s cover.
Don’t believe me? Which of these book covers would you choose?
The image on the left is such a crime of literature. The cover says very little of what the story is about. It’s boring, and it’s using one of the worst fonts ever invented: COMIC SANS
If you want to be taken seriously as a writer, never EVER use comic sans!!! … but I digress, we’ll have more on fonts another time.
Which one of these books would you honestly choose though? To me, many local authors make the horrendous mistake of choosing poor quality over price. It may be more expensive to upgrade the quality of your work if you’re self publishing, but it’s worth it. If your book looks cheap – you look cheap. I don’t want to buy something like that, because 9 times out of 10, I’m afraid it’s going to be total crap.
Customers rarely remember boring titles or author’s names.
If your book has managed to catch the eye of a customer, sometimes they’ll wait to buy it another time. If you’re one of the authors this has happened to, I apologize. But many customers will come into our bookstore and say to me “I don’t remember what the book is called, or the authors name, I just remember it has some crayon-ish style words on the front.”
“Were you perhaps thinking of Room by Emma Donoghue?”
You have to make sure you have a damned good title that sticks into people’s minds, or catches people’s eyes. Water for Elephants, The Shining, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Moby Dick, Frankenstein, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, The Phantom Tollbooth, Murder on the Orient Express – Notice a trend? These titles all have specific words that GRAB your attention, and ignite your imagination. People remember these titles for a reason. Tread carefully when choosing an appropriate title for your book or movie.
Some final words on how writers can learn from the bookstore business:
- Shopping is a visual experience. Make sure that the title of your story, or your cover art stand out above all other stories. Screenwriters submitting query letters should take this advice to heart. Long or generic titles will not grab the attention of producers.
- Local authors, and self published authors tend to ignore several important things when selling their books. At book signings, DO NOT ignore every customer that walks through your door. DO NOT publish a book cover that looks like you don’t take your art seriously. ENGAGE your readers, and talk to them about your story. People want to hear the STORY BEHIND THE STORY. Challenge your audience to a great read.
- Don’t be discouraged by authors like Nora Roberts, or James Patterson, who quite literally have teams of writers working for them. I’m sure these stories may be excellent, but no author who publishes that much work does this on their own time. Well, maybe Stephen King, but that’s because he’s a God.
- Very rarely to authors like Clive Cussler produce works of ‘great’ art. That’s just my opinion anyway. What they do have however, is some a level of success. I’m sure every household in North America has at least one Clive book collecting dust. These are cookie cutter stories kids. If these books don’t look like they all tell the same story, I don’t know what does.
It’s evident these authors and publishers are more concerned with quantity than quality. I’ve read a few Clive Cussler novels, and let me be the first to say, if you’ve read one, you’ve read them all. Also, these books are always the first to go directly into our ‘bargain’ section.
Surprise, Surprise.
- A good story will sell itself. Writing is re-writing. Don’t publish something unless you’re positive it’s a great read. If you have that sinking feeling in your gut that it isn’t ready – it isn’t ready. Many writers take several years to write a masterful work. Don’t be discouraged by time. Have patience.
NEVER GIVE UP. People are hungry for a good, original story. PLEASE DELIVER.
Hey Writers, What’s Stopping You?
I always love this argument, because so many writers I know make excuses as to why they cannot write or have no time to write. The fact of the matter is, very seldom is it impossible to write.
I really love Stephen King’s autobiographical memoir on the craft of writing, appropriately titled On Writing. The last half of the book is written after Mr. King suffered a nearly fatal accident while out for a walk. A man who was drunk hit King with his car, sending King into the ditch in a twisted mess. Even through the excruciating rehab, and long days spent in pain, Stephen King kept on writing. For him, there was nothing else.
George Orwell while in his hospital deathbed, insisted on having his typewriter brought to his room, so that he might type away his dying days.
“I don’t have the time” is a terrible excuse. If you want to take yourself seriously as a writer, you have to know that writers MAKE the time. There will always be laundry, chores, socializing, jobs, and obligatory events you’ll need to attend. Single mothers find the time to write. Why can’t you?
Unfortunately, I know exactly what it feels like ‘having no time’ to write. When I first started writing, I thought it would be a walk in the park. I underestimated the process and took it for granted. I thought writers just hammered out magic, and that was it. I didn’t understand that writing is about re-writing. I didn’t understand that I’d have to fight with friends and relatives for time to write.
The biggest lesson any writer must learn, is that you must set aside time for yourself to write. I don’t have the luxury of being a millionaire with endless time and expenses at my disposal. Writing is not a ‘sometimes’ hobby for me. If you don’t think you can commit to waking up early, going to bed late, setting aside one or two days a week, or making yourself off-limits before 12:00 noon, maybe you need to reconsider what’s actually stopping you.
If you asked famed scientist Stephen Hawking what’s stopping him, victim of the paralyzing disease (ALS), he would laugh at you with his DECtalk speech-synthesizer.
The Great Escape – Not Just a Movie!
Writers could learn a thing or two from the prisoners in the 1963 film The Great Escape directed by John Sturges. All of us need to learn to be great escape artists.
One of the most difficult tasks that I’ve faced as a writer, is finding a balance between time for others, and time for my writing. Friends and family start to look at you funny when you tell them how you can’t hang out or go anywhere, “I have to do some writing.”
“You already wrote once this week” one family member may whine, as if writing once a week was all we needed.
You aren’t being selfish when you take time for yourself, just as you aren’t being selfish to your inner writer when you decide to take time to be with other people. The importance is a balance.
Roald Dahl, author of many famous children’s books such as Matilda, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and James and the Giant Peach would retreat to a writing hut in his backyard for many hours of the day. The windows were blacked out, and he demanded not to be disturbed while in his ‘sanctuary’. However, once he had finished writing for the day, he would emerge from his retreat, and spend time with his family.
Dahl in his "Writing Hut" - Photo Courtesy of http://www.bbc.co.uk
Other people give us energy. They are refreshing, and can help us emerge from terrible writer’s blocks. The point is to not let people take all of your time. Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way (A book I cannot recommend enough for creative recovery) suggests to take one day a week, in which you practice an ‘artist’s date’. One day that’s all yours to explore an old shop, to go see a movie, or to take a walk through a park. The point is that this day is set aside for you, and you alone.
One of my favourite authors Stephen King, marches himself up to his office everyday. Once he shuts the door, King claims,
“The closed door is your way of telling the world and yourself that you mean business; you have made a serious commitment to write and intend to walk the walk as well as talk the talk.”
Stephen King, On Writing
Then however, King suggests that once you’re done your first draft, it’s important to open the door, letting the energy of others flow into your work. The point is finding a balance.
I know that sometimes, it feels like you have to crawl on your hands and knees for miles just to get some time to yourself, especially if you are a mother, or work a full time job to support a family,
The Shawshank Redemption
but just think of how great it’ll feel once you taste the sweet victory of freedom.
So don’t be afraid to tell people you’re off limits for a few hours. There is always a power button for your cellphone. There is always a switch or a way to unplug your internet. Sometimes we have to be great escape artists, and high-tail it away from others keeping us from our blank page.
… and another thing.
Another useful Stephen King interview! Definitely worth a watch!
How many pages of writing have you done today?
No time to read, no time to write.
One of my favorite pieces of advice from any writer comes from Mr. Stephen King. Here’s a short 1:13 video that’s worth a quick watch.
Have you read a chapter of a book today?
