Top 5 Screenwriting Mistakes

If you’re interested in pursuing a career in screenwriting, I’ve compiled a short list of the most common mistakes I’ve observed in my years of editing people’s screenplays:

5) BAD SLUG LINES

You’d be surprised to know how many people make this mistake.
Slug-Lines are supposed to be read as a short transition into your action. You don’t have to describe the location in the slug-line. You should be as concise as possible, eliminating anything that isn’t necessary. Some screenwriters might tell you it’s alright to get creative with times of of the day, but I say: NOOOO!

Unless you’re writing a scene where Luke Skywalker looks off to a binary sunset, or Jordi LaForge is gazing upon a sunrise with his real eyes for the first time, very seldom are DUSK and DAWN acceptable. Use INT and EXT, instead of INTERIOR, EXTERIOR, INSIDE, or OUTSIDE. Stick to DAY or NIGHT shots. AFTERNOONS, MORNINGS, EVENINGS, and LATE EVENINGS are all unnecessary. Your transition of time should be evident in the way you tell your story. There is no physical way of showing how ‘night time’ can be ‘midnight’ on screen. The sky is dark. The shot requires that you shoot at night time. Therefore, you should just use “NIGHT”.

BAD:
INTERIOR - DOWN THE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY NEAR THE BATHROOM - MIDNIGHT

GOOD:
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT

4) LENGTHY SETTING/SCENE/CHARACTER DESCRIPTION

This one isn’t as easy. A lot of the time, I find myself cutting out entire pages of action. If your description does nothing to reveal something about the character, or advance the plot, it isn’t necessary.
Think about it.

You only have 120 pages (on average) to work with. Why would you put in anything that isn’t important? Ever notice when books are made into movies, sometimes fans get upset that things are cut from the book? Well obviously! Otherwise a movie would be way too long, and as much as I loved Harry Potter, I don’t feel like sitting through a 22 hour movie.
(However I have a “19 hour+ Harry Potter Movie Marathon” coming up that I am GREATLY looking forward too…).

Here is an example of how you can clean up a scene of description:

BAD:
DALE, a man aged 33, sits on a plush leather couch in the middle of a fancily decorated living room, wearing dark khaki pants, a dress shirt, and a tie. He fidgets on the leather couch. Across the room, an ornately carved red door, made of mahogany opens. GEEVES the butler, dressed in a full tuxedo with a tailed suit jacket, walks toward Dale across the red and black pattered carpet. Dale looks up at Geeves and bits his lip. Geeves motions with his gloved hand toward the door. Dale gulps, stands up, and walks toward the open mahogany door.

GOOD:
DALE, a man in his early 30s, sits on a leather couch in a fancy living room. He adjusts his necktie. Across the room, a large mahogany door opens. GEEVES the old butler, enters the room and approaches Dale.

Dale bites his lip.
Geeves stands up straight and motions his hand toward the open door.
Dale gulps and stands.
The two of them exit the room.

Notice how I edited the piece so that Dale’s nervous actions are on their own lines? I did this to give the scene a bit more tension. I also broke up the paragraph to make it easier to read. I also eliminated almost every piece of description. Your job isn’t to furnish rooms, dress actors, or decide what brand of eyeliner Norma Desmond wears.

In novel writing, it might be argued that can you use description until the cows come home, (Just ask J.R.R. Tolkien) but in the cutthroat business of screenwriting, you are to give just enough description to give the reader a visual. Use your best judgement. I usually like to give a bit of detail to help set the scene, but anything else is just fluff around the edges.

It should be noted that integral props, or complicated settings can use a bit more description. If it is going to play a crucial role in your story, you want your reader to be able to visualize it immediately.

3) DON’T DO THE WORK OF THE FILM CREW

If your screenplay is littered with PAN UPS, TILT DOWNS, dramatic musical cues, or excessive descriptions, you should pursue a considerable rewrite. If you believe what you’ve written will be dictating the work of the cameraman, the actor, or the film crew in anyway, you need to eliminate it. As I said before, your job isn’t to dress your actors, act for them, or decide what kind of lighting is appropriate for a scene. Film is a COLLABORATIVE MEDIUM.

Here are some common mistakes:

BAD:

SARAH
(shouting)
STOP IT!

BRENT
(frowning)
No! YOU stop it!

Using (whispering) is acceptable if required, as is (out of breath) or (laughing), but they really aren’t necessary. The actors job is to interpret the dialogue as it is needed for the scene. Don’t do their job for them.

GOOD:

SARAH
STOP IT!

BRENT
No! You stop it!

See how much simpler and to the point this is? If the actors don’t know there is anger, or maybe some shouting in this scene, then they are stupid and shouldn’t be acting anyway.

Here is another mistake:

BAD:
INTERIOR - INSIDE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY NEAR THE BATHROOM - MIDNIGHT

TILT UP to Sarah standing at the end of the hallway. PAN OVER to Brent holding a knife. Dramatic music is playing, as Brent rushes over to Sarah.

GOOD:
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY -- NIGHT

Sarah stands at the end of the hallway. Brent is across from her, clutching a KNIFE. Brent lunges toward her.

See how much cleaner this action is without the camera angels and shot descriptions? The way a film is shot is for the director and the cinematographer to decide in their production script. If you’re an independent filmmaker who will be writing AND directing, for the benefit of your actors and crew, just write a regular screenplay. When you litter your story with PAN-UPs, CLOSE-UPs, and what-have-yous, it takes the reader out of the story. You want your reader to get sucked into the world of your script, and never put it down until it’s finished.

2) WRITING IN THE PRESENT TENSE

Very few realize the importance of screenwriting in the present tense. It should be how every screenplay it written. Writing in past tense is wonderful for fiction, or other literary forms, but if you want your reader to follow through your script as if it is happening precisely in that moment, you gotta write in present tense. Here are some examples:

BAD:
EXTERIOR - PUBLIC HIGH SCHOOL - AFTERNOON

Billy was standing on a large rock in the middle of the courtyard at the back of the school. Students walked towards him. Billy looked at them, and grinned. He grabbed the toilet paper from his side, and began wrapping himself with it.
The students laughed at this.



GOOD:
EXT. - PUBLIC HIGHSCHOOL - DAY

Billy stands on a large rock in the middle of the courtyard at the back of the school. Students strut toward him. Billy looks at them and grins. He grabs the toilet paper from his side, and wraps himself with it.
The students giggle.



I contest that there are no right or wrong answers at times, and one can argue that it’s not a big deal if you submit a screenplay written in the past tense. However, it is the general consensus of Hollywood producers and working screenwriters, that the present tense is not only important, but a requirement.

1) DISREGARDING YOUR AUDIENCE’S NEEDS

I can’t express the utmost importance in writing for your audience. If you aren’t writing to tell a good story, then why the hell are you writing? Let me remind you, that I’ve read many screenplays where the author feels the need to use the craft as a means of personal flattery or self therapy. This is not to be confused with self-expression.

Self-expression is important in ANY art form. You need to draw on things in your life so that you can create an original story. As far as I know, no one else is me. Therefore, I have something original to tell. However, if you feel the need to symbolize your life and use sub-par metaphors for your first world problems, you should reconsider your intentions. Why are you telling this story?

The difference, is that you should not be writing so your friends and family can see how you struggled with a relationship, but to write a story that anyone can relate to.

Do you think audiences pack into theatres so they can see how you broke up with your partner in a coffee shop?

NO!

Audiences pack into theatres, because they want to be entertained! They want to laugh and cry! They want to be scared! They want to live vicariously through characters that perservereer, or witness the horrible downfalls of a tragic lifestyle!

Your first thought should be: “How is my story going to affect my audience?” If your first thought is how you can ‘cleverly symbolize’ how you deal with things, you’re not thinking about your audience. Unless you want to pay for your own movie tickets, and see your problems on the big screen, get over yourself. Stop being so egotistical, and start TRYING TO TELL A GOOD STORY.

…………………

Finally, it should be noted that you cannot as a screenwriter show anything that you cannot see on screen. Internal thoughts or feelings should be left for the novel. You cannot say “Jake is happy when he see’s Betty.” You can however, say “Jake smiles at Betty” or “Jake spots Betty and smiles.” Just be mindful of what you’re writing. As always, writing is rewriting, so if you make mistakes, don’t worry. Keep plugging away at your craft and soon these rules will seem like nothing.




EXERCISE:

Take 15-30 minutes today to write yourself a letter. Ask yourself these 5 questions:

1) Do I need to work on my screenplay format?
2) Can I eliminate unnecessary elements that aren't important to my characters or story?
3) Am I writing for myself, or for my audience?
4) What do I want to say with this story?
5) How do I want my audience to feel at the end of my story?

September 10, 2012 | Categories: Films and Television, Screenwriting, Writing | Tags: Character Description, How to write a good Script, Jordi LaForge, Luke Skywalker, Screenwriting, Slug Lines, Top 5 Screenwriting Mistakes, Top 5 Screenwriting No-Nos, Writing, Writing a good Screenplay, Writing Tips and Tricks | 3 Comments »